Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
