I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
