I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
