Don't you send me to vm
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
