just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
