he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
