She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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