Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
