i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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