Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
