babies were throwing up all over the place
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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