is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I looked at my own cervix.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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