i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
