never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
