Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
