I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
