I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
