Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
