I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
