Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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