There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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