So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
