I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
