I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
