the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
