I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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