Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
