I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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