Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
