I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
