I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
