I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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