You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
