Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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