Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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