Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
