Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
