this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
