Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
