Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
