Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
