he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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