hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
