If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
