I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
