ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
