Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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