fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sext me about skeletons
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
