And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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