anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
