Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
